Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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