I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
