Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
