I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
