i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
