Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
