I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
