just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
