Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
