I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
