hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
