he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
