So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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