That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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