WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
