She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
