Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
