I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
