Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
