Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Someone signed my nipple.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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