well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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