YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
