whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
well you can't waste a boner
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
