At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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