My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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