By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
