i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
