Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
