Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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