dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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