how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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