Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
