do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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