I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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