You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
