I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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