Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i am craving dick and cupcakes
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
