If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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