There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
