dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
