it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
