Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
