I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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