You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
