I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
