so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
