if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
