You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
