Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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