I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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