im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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