dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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