Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
