if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
